Viking explorer

1. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed in
a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

2. A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I think
I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just
have to be a little patient."


3. A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins
that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his
supply of the birds ran out. So he had to go out and trap some more. On the way
back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly
stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting
gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.


4. Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to
produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket
watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned
out that although their watches were of finest quality; their compasses were so
bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This,
of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"


5. A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets
and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have
absolutely nothing to go on."


6. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man.
After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk
rawhide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite off, chew and swallow
one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to
see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended,
but the malady lingers on."


7. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name
missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local
civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Lief off my
census."


8. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on
an elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became
pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the
hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the
hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.


9. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies
with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a
particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the
anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said,
"Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"


10. By the way, the guy who wrote these 9 puns entered them and one other
in a contest. He figured with 10 entries he couldn't lose. As they were reading
the list of winners he was really hoping that one of his puns would win, but
unfortunately, no pun in ten did.