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Showing posts with label Kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kids. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Canadian Blonde


An elderly blonde lived on a small farm in Canada,
just yards away from the North Dakota border.
Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute
between the United States and Canada for years.
The now widowed blonde, lived on the farm with
her son and three grandchildren.

One day, her son came into her room holding a
letter. "I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The
government has come to an agreement with the
people in Washington. They've decided that our
land is really part of the United States. We have
the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement.
What do you think?"

"What do I think?" his blonde mother said. "Sign it!
Call them right now and tell them we accept!
I don't think I could stand another one of those
Canadian winters!"

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Grandma's Cook

Say Your Prayers


UNANSWERED PRAYER? The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her
father always paused and bowed his head, for a moment, before starting his
sermon. One day, she asked him why.

"Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his
messages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."

"How come He doesn't do it?" she asked.



BEING THANKFUL A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your
mother says your prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she
say?"

The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"


EXPRESS PRAYER Our son had only heard his grandfather pray at Thanksgiving,
Easter, and other special occasions; when he, typically, said a long prayer
over the food. One night, after a fun camp-out and fishing trip, grandfather
(to our son's surprise) asked a very brief blessing on the food. With a
gleam in his eye, our son grinned at his Grandfather and said, "You don't
pray so long when you're hungry, do you Grandpa?"


UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER During the minister's prayer, one Sunday, there was
a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Gary's mother was horrified. She
pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, "Gary, whatever made you
do such a thing?"

Gary answered, soberly, "I asked God to teach me to whistle ... and just
then He did!"


TIME TO PRAY A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.

"Yes sir," the boy replied.

"And, do you always say them in the morning, too?" the pastor >>> asked.

"No sir," the boy replied. "I ain't scared in the daytime."


THE BLESSING My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she
turned to our six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the
blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you
hear >>> Mommy say," my wife said.

Our daughter bowed her head and said, "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite
all these people to dinner?"


BEWARE OF TRASH One particular four-year old prayed, "And forgive us our
'trash baskets' as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."


ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS? When my daughter, Kelli, was 3, she and my son, Cody,
would say their nightly prayers, together. As most children do, we have to
bless >>> every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and
past).

For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would
say, "And all girls."

As this soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this at the end,
my curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, "Kelli, why do you always
add the part about all girls?"

Her response, "Because we always finish our prayers by saying 'All Men'!"


SAY A PRAYER Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his
Grandmother's house Everyone was seated around the table as the food was
being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right
away.

"Johnny wait until we say our prayer." "I don't have to," The boy replied.

"Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer, before eating,
at our house."

"That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she
knows how to cook!

Monday, September 3, 2007

Fish Story




THERE WAS a man who fished every day and always came back with a
good catch. Eventually, the game warden decided this guy must be
doing something illegal. So the warden put on old clothes and made
friends with the man. "I've noticed you always catch fish," the
warden said. "Can I go out with you?" The fisherman
shrugged. "Sure," he replied. "See you here at 5 a.m. tomorrow."

The next day, they went fishing together. The fisherman steered his
boat into a remote part of the lake, then stopped. He opened his
tackle box, took out a stick of dynamite, lit the fuse and threw it
into the water. After it went off, dozens of stunned fish floated to
the surface.

The warden was astounded. "I caught you red-handed," he said. "I'm
the game warden, and you're under arrest." The fisherman said
nothing. He reached into his tackle box, took out another stick of
dynamite, lit the fuse and handed it to the warden. The fisherman
then asked him, "You going to talk or fish?"