Canadian Blonde

An elderly blonde lived on a small farm in Canada,
just yards away from the North Dakota border.
Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute
between the United States and Canada for years.
The now widowed blonde, lived on the farm with
her son and three grandchildren.

One day, her son came into her room holding a
letter. "I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The
government has come to an agreement with the
people in Washington. They've decided that our
land is really part of the United States. We have
the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement.
What do you think?"

"What do I think?" his blonde mother said. "Sign it!
Call them right now and tell them we accept!
I don't think I could stand another one of those
Canadian winters!"

Night Expansive Out

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her out to some place
expensive....

So I took her to a gas station

Worried to Death

Worried to Death

The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received a visit
from one of her fellow church members.


"How are you feeling?" the visitor asked.


"Oh," said the lady, "I'm just worried sick!"


"What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked. "You look like
you're in good health. They are taking care of you, aren't they?"


"Yes, they are taking very good care of me."


"Are you in any pain?" she asked.


"No, I have never had a pain in my life."


"Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again.


The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly explained her
major worry.


"Every close friend I ever had has already died and gone on to
heaven. I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went."

God Confuse..!!

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table, she had a near death experience.
Seeing God, she asked, " Is my time up"? God said, "No. You have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction and a tummy tuck.
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well look even nicer.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the ambulance?"

God replied, "Girrrlllllll, I didn't even recognize you